I finished the first half five minutes ahead of schedule, grabbed my apple out of the car and kept going. I felt great for the first 12 miles. I started thinking my 5 hour goal was going to be easily met. I started thinking, "I can do this."
About 10 steps before the 14 mile mark I crashed. My legs shut down. It was sudden and unexpected. My right foot, left calf, left hip, lower back and left shoulder all cramped simultaneously. I hobbled to the closest bench and sat.
I was shocked. I kept thinking, "What did I do wrong? How am I going to get going again? Am I going to finish on time? Will I be able to do 8 more miles?"
As I sat there trying to stretch my legs and not cry, God cupped his hand to my ear and whispered, "PSST! When you're done consulting yourself about yourself and YOUR problems and what YOU're going to do to remedy them you might remember that YOU CAN'T DO THIS. Not without Me. If you could do this all by yourself you'd be living a stupid story. You got into this mess because you wanted to do something big, something outside of your ability and control, something that could only be accomplished if you were entirely dependent on Me. I'm here, I will help you, but you will not be in control."
I think if I'd been able to run 22 miles in 5 hours I would've finished today thinking this marathon was going to be a piece of cake. Thinking I'd be able to do it, by myself, no problem.
I got off the bench and I walked. I couldn't run. My body was done. But I didn't quit. I made the decision to give it all I could for six more miles. I would do the scheduled 20, even if it took longer than my "goal".
From this point on my muscles were so cramped and tired that I couldn't help but laugh at myself (when I wasn't fighting back tears). Imagine if you will, an 87 year old grandmother walking along in her muumuu and house slippers. She's hunched over from the weight of gravity on her frail shoulders, clutching her walker. Now, take away the walker and speed this up by about 45% and that's what I looked like while "running". Well, I didn't have the muumuu either but you get the idea. Not pretty.
At mile 18 my right foot (the one with a detached tendon that's going to take six months to heal once this ridiculous running is over) turned and looked at me. It yelled at me through my shoe:
Right Foot: "You have two options: shut it down or hop. Because if you keep up this running I will detach myself from your leg."
Me: "Listen, we're two miles away from the car. We can't stop here or we'll be stuck here all day. We have to keep going."
Right Foot: "I'm not playing! I will jump off your body right here and now. I don't care who's watching, I'm not running another step!"
Me: "Ok, ok. Compromise. We have to finish the last two miles, but we can walk. We don't have to run."
My foot then turned back to the ground and walked on in silence. I took this to mean it had accepted my compromise.
The first time I ran 20 miles it took me 6 hours and 11 minutes. The second time took 5 hours, 23 minutes. Today I finished in 5 hours and 26 seconds. With a six hour time limit on the marathon this means I will have to add an additional 6.2 miles in only one additional hour. I will tell you right now, it ain't happenin'.
I can't.
I can't run 26.2 miles in 6 hours. Not by myself. Not with a rebellious right foot that talks back to me (audibly) and refuses to do as it's told.
You may think, "What's six more miles after you've already ran 20?" You would be wrong. Today, I couldn't have done 1 more mile, definitely not 6.2! "After 20 it's just guts that gets you to the finish." Malarkey! After 20, I don't have any guts, better be a wheel barrow that gets me to the finish.
The thought of me running at all is laughable and to actually attempt a marathon is just ridiculous. I'm not an athlete (in any form), I'm not a runner, I'm not even "in shape". But, in what can only be described as a moment of insanity, I committed to doing this. I'm running a marathon. I'm running 26.2 miles because I have the luxury of clean water at my fingertips and there are people in Africa who don't. I'm running for them.
I can't do it alone. My physical ability, amazing though it may be, isn't enough. I have to depend totally and completely on God. I know it probably sounds cliche but I mean this quite literally.
I want to leave you with a video. This is a new video from Blood:Water Mission that clearly shows the difference clean water can make in a community in Africa. Please come along side us in this story by donating. Just $25 provides one person with clean water for life! That's pretty incredible.
Chrystal Murphy
You are truly just great and God is awesome!
ReplyDelete